I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
time to smoke my breakfast
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
