So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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