Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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