I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
