the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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