No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
