i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
