the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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