Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
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