I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
