im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
