the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
