Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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