Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
