You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Randomize
