So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
