I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Best friends brother. Beat that.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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