I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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