You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
