I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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