for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
