I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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