Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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