You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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