is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
