So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
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We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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