I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I want a musical about memes.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
