Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
