Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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