I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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