belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
