community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
