am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
