even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
