My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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