I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
