The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
