I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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