she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
