i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
