Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
