I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked