At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
