1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.