oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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