you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
