She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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