my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I am available for nakedness
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
