the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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