There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
