Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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