I just threw up on my dentist
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
