My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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