I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
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