Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
