my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
