He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
