I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
