You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
