i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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