If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
