if i can run in heels then i can drive
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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