I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize