at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
