just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
