Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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