Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Alive.
So much puke
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
