just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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