What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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