??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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