foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
