we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
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Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
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There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
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