It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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