i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
