He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
