If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
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and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
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Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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