This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Randomize
