I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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