just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
