Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
