i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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