he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize