He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
