you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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