Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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