my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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