I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
