allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
