Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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